🗣 Say this
"You're really upset right now. I'm right here. You're safe."
⏱ What to do
1
Stop talking. Your words won't land while they're in it
2
Get physically close without crowding them
3
Keep your face calm and your body still
4
Wait for the peak to pass before saying anything else
5
Reconnect warmly once it's over
⚠️ Avoid
❌Trying to reason or explain mid-tantrum
❌Raising your voice to be heard over theirs
❌Threatening consequences while they're dysregulated
❌Leaving them completely alone if they're very young
🔁 If they resist
"I'm staying right here. I'm not going anywhere. This will pass."
→Repeat quietly if needed
💡 Pro tip
Their brain is offline. Wait for it to come back online
Instead of
"Stop it right now!"
"You're being ridiculous. There's nothing to cry about!"
Try
(silence + steady presence)
Then once calm: "You okay? Want a hug?"
Common questions
What should I say when my toddler is having a tantrum?
Say quietly: "You're really upset right now. I'm right here. You're safe." Then stop talking. Your calm presence is the intervention. Words and explanations don't reach a brain in the middle of a tantrum.
Why do toddlers have tantrums?
The emotional brain fires intensely but the rational brain (which manages regulation) is still very underdeveloped. Toddlers feel things at full intensity without the ability to self-regulate. Tantrums are a normal part of development, not a behaviour problem.
How do I stop a toddler tantrum?
You can't stop it once it's started, but you can shorten it by staying calm, reducing stimulation, and staying present without engaging the content. Attempting to reason, explain, or negotiate extends tantrums. Warm reconnection after is what helps them recover.
How long do toddler tantrums last?
Most tantrums peak within 1 to 3 minutes and resolve within 5 to 10 minutes when the parent stays calm and doesn't engage the content. They last longer when there's a big reaction, negotiation, or the child is very tired or hungry.