Say This Instead › Screaming / Yelling

What to say when your toddler screams and yells

For when they shout loudly instead of communicating

🗣 Say this
"That's a really loud voice. I can hear you want something. Can you show me with your quiet voice or your hands?"
⏱ What to do
1
Don't match their volume. Stay noticeably quieter than them
2
Acknowledge that they want something without giving in to the scream
3
Ask for a quieter version of the same request
4
When they use a quieter voice, respond immediately and warmly
5
Check if they're overtired or overwhelmed. Screaming is often a signal
⚠️ Avoid
❌Screaming back or matching their intensity
❌Giving them what they want while they're screaming
❌Shushing aggressively. It often escalates
❌Ignoring completely if they're genuinely distressed
🔁 If they resist
"I'm going to wait until your voice is quieter. I'm right here."
→Pause, stay calm, and wait. Respond the moment the volume drops
💡 Pro tip
Your quiet voice is louder than theirs
Instead of
"Stop screaming! USE YOUR WORDS!"
Try
"Ooh, that's a big voice. Can I hear your small voice? What do you need?"

Common questions

What should I say when my toddler screams at me?
Say quietly: "That's a really loud voice. I can hear you want something. Can you show me with your quiet voice or your hands?" Lower your own voice noticeably. Toddlers often match the energy level around them.
Why does my toddler scream instead of talking?
Screaming is often the fastest route to a response. If screaming has reliably produced attention, compliance, or a reaction, it becomes the go-to. It can also signal genuine distress, tiredness, or overstimulation where the capacity to use words is simply not there.
How do I get my toddler to stop screaming?
Respond immediately and warmly when they use a quieter voice, even slightly quieter. Don't give them what they want while they're screaming. Wait calmly, ask for the quieter version, then respond. The pattern shifts when quieter communication is reliably more effective than screaming.
Is it normal for toddlers to scream all the time?
Very common, especially between 18 months and 3 years when the desire to communicate outpaces the ability. It does reduce as language develops and as parents consistently respond better to calm requests than screaming.

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Other situations

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Full tantrum

When they're completely overwhelmed

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Hitting

When they strike out at you or others

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Overstimulation meltdown

When too much leads to overwhelm

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Won't listen

When they ignore instructions