🗣 Say this
"I'm going now and I will be back at [specific time]. I love you. Bye bye."
⏱ What to do
1
Give a specific, concrete return time they can understand
2
Keep the goodbye short and confident. Fon't linger
3
Don't sneak out. It damages trust and worsens anxiety long term
4
Say goodbye once, warmly, and then go
5
Trust the carer. Most children settle within minutes of you leaving
⚠️ Avoid
❌Sneaking out to avoid the tears
❌Returning because they're upset. It reinforces that crying brings you back
❌Long drawn-out goodbyes that escalate the anxiety
❌Saying "I'll only be a minute" if that's not true
🔁 If they resist
"I know it's hard. I love you. I'll be back after your nap."
→Say it once, mean it, then leave. Hesitation makes it harder
💡 Pro tip
Confident goodbyes create secure children
Instead of
"Are you sure you'll be okay? Maybe I should stay a bit longer..."
Try
"Big hug. I love you. Back at 3 o'clock. Bye!" (then go)
Common questions
What should I say when my toddler cries when I leave?
Say: "I'm going now and I will be back at [specific time]. I love you. Bye bye." Then go. A confident, brief goodbye is kinder than a prolonged one. Most children settle within minutes of the parent leaving.
Why does my toddler have separation anxiety?
Developmentally normal, peaking between 8 months and 3 years. Toddlers understand you exist but don't yet fully trust that you'll return. Object permanence and trust in caregivers both develop with consistent, reliable separations where you always come back when you said you would.
How do I help my toddler with separation anxiety?
Keep goodbyes short and consistent. Always say goodbye, never sneak out. Give a concrete return time. Follow through reliably. Each successful separation where you return as promised builds the trust that eventually reduces anxiety.
Does separation anxiety get better on its own?
Yes, for most children it reduces significantly by age 3 to 4 as language, memory, and trust in caregivers develop. Consistent, calm goodbyes and reliable returns speed this process up. Prolonged or inconsistent goodbyes tend to maintain it.